


party favors

by mihaeng (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7204514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/mihaeng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>after sneaking out gets johnny into a near-death situation, his mom sends him to busan to spend the summer with his eccentric, not blood-related aunt. ten comes into the picture, and it all goes downhill from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i hated the first high school au i started for johnten, and this happened.

It wasn't the first time Johnny had sneaked out of the house.

He started doing it the summer before sophomore year, when he realized that if he stepped on certain parts of the stairs that led down to the living room, the steps wouldn't make noise. In the early stages, he had no intention of doing anything inherently bad; he only wanted to take walks around town. There was something calming about walking around at night and seeing all of the lights and the cars passing by.

To an extent, Johnny understood the dangers of walking through Chicago when the sun was down, but he pushed those concerns into the the back of his mind. As long as the volume of his music wasn't too loud, and if subtly looked behind him to see if anyone was trailing him, he was fine. Fearing preconceived notions was pathetic in his opinion. But the walk were mind-numbing for him, and he needed all the relaxation he could get.

Johnny's body was always tense and rigid at the thought of the future. College seemed so straightforward to him when he was younger, but as he got closer to high school it dawned on him that good grades weren't everything. Extracurriculars were key, recommendations were crucial, and AP classes were the key to becoming the perfect student. It was what Johnny wanted. He was never coerced by his parents to become a stellar pupil, this all by his own will. Johnny willingly craned his neck to take in every letter from thick textbooks, drove himself to ends of the earth to become the ideal self that was so hard to reach.

So naturally, he was too wired to deal with himself sometimes. The walks helped.

* * *

Johnny's closest friend was Jaehyun, a boy who was talented in almost everything and liked partying. Hard. He has yet to live down the morning where he woke up in a McDonald's parking lot, wearing only a button-up shirt and boxers. Johnny couldn't comprehend how he was still getting high marks on exams when he was constantly hungover.

They had met in the second semester of sophomore year in Geometry class. Johnny hated him for a few months. There was something so untouchable and flawless about Jaehyun that made him ridiculously mad. Every time he got an answer right, he would roll his eyes or suck his teeth. Johnny felt a little bit guilty because he didn't have a valid reason to despise the guy, but at the same time he couldn't care less.

How they became friends was unclear, but Jaehyun tried making small talk with Johnny as the year was coming to an end. By the end of May, Johnny had moved from his front row seat all the way into the back row, right next to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun was hip to a lot of things he really shouldn't have known about. His penchant for partying didn't start up until the summer before junior year, and that was because he had a few "cousins of cousins of friends" who introduced him to two things that were the pinnacle of the high school movie experience: drugs and alcohol.

"You should come to this party I'm going to this weekend," Jaehyun said one day. It was their lunch period, and they were behind the school sharing a cigarette. "I think… I forgot who's throwing it, but it's this girl who graduated last year. Sulli! That's her name."

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "I've never been to an actual party. The closest I've gotten to that is like, a family cookout. Besides, my parents would kill me. I can imagine my mom keeling over and dying right now."

"You don't have to if you don't want to," Jaehyun stated. He took a drag of his cigarette. "I'm merely making a suggestion that could better your high school experience."

Jaehyun passed Johnny the cigarette. "If I get into your stuff, I don't think I'll be able to remember my high school experience. Besides," he blew a smoke ring. "I've been thinking about quitting these things. I think my mom is starting to discover my lungs aren't as squeaky clean as she'd like them to be."

"That's because you don't do your own laundry," Jaehyun teased.

"Fuck off."

"But seriously, you should come through. It's gonna be dope. You don't even have to stay for long, you can just scope the place out and see what's good," Jaehyun suggested. "Wait, no, that sounds like I'm pressuring you. Damn it. I can't believe I'm taking a part of peer pressure now. This is what they warned us about in freshman health class."

Johnny doubled over laughing, and Jaehyun followed suit. "Shit! I can't believe you're one of those bad pre-teen actors in those fucking peer pressure scenario videos!" He tried controlling his laughter, but he couldn't keep in the snickers. "But… but in all seriousness, I might consider coming. Maybe. Text me the address."

* * *

He could do it. It was so easy for him to just leave the house. He had done this before.

Johnny shook his head. Deliberating with himself wasn't an option right now. He took caution as he made his way down the stairs. No noise. His parents were asleep in their shared bedroom, but he could hear the sound of his heartbeat echoing off of the wall. He was halfway down now, the door in his direct line of vision. He let out a breath he had been holding for what seemed like an eternity when he had made it all the way.

His hand hovered over the locks. It was now or never.

* * *

Johnny didn't know what to expect, but the clouds of smoke filling the room were a little bit dizzying. Some unidentifiable Tinashe song was playing from speakers. He had noticed that instead of red plastic cups, the person holding the party had opted out for blue ones. Whether or not they were trying to avoid a party cliché wasn't entirely clear to Johnny.

There were girls in short shorts and halter tops, and boys sagging their pants who were conversing with them. Johnny made eye contact with a few people he had seen in the hallways. They gave him a nod of acknowledgement and he returned the gesture without hesitation. His eyes surveyed the room. _Where the hell is Jaehyun?_

"You're here!" Jaehyun shouted over the music. His eyes were a little bit lidded, and Johnny couldn't tell if he was high, drunk, or both.

"Take this," Jaehyun said as he shoved a cup into his hand. There was beer in it. Johnny could hear his mother crying, but he downed it so he wouldn't look like a dumbass in front of all of these people. It was bitter and little watery, but Johnny was able to get it down his throat without gagging. Jaehyun clapped him on the back and smiled.

"We're doing shots in the kitchen. I'm… I'm a little too out of my element for…" he gestured toward the direction of the kitchen. "That. But you could take my place."

Johnny nodded dumbly. "Alright, alright." _Why the hell not?_

* * *

Jaehyun had failed to tell Johnny that shots burned like a bitch.

He was competing against Joy, a girl he had seen around school before. Her hair was tied up into a ponytail ("My friends won't have to hold my hair back.") and she gave off an intense, competitive vibe. They were surrounded by crowds of party goers, and it made the space humid and uncomfortable.

Joy and Johnny picked up their glasses and clinked them together.

"Bottoms up!" Joy shouted before downing the first shot. Johnny did his simultaneously, and it felt like Satan was scraping around his throat with a fucking pitchfork. He tried suppressing a cough, but it was all too obvious. Joy's face was frozen in a grimace.

Joy ended up winning. She had done six, and Johnny had only done five. He stumbled out of the kitchen and found Jaehyun again, and was surprised to see him playing a very intense game tonsil hockey with a random guy. Johnny turned on his heel the second he saw them and tried scoping out other places to go. In the corner of the room, a game of spin the bottle was happening, and in another corner there was a paper kissing game taking place.

He decided to go near the people who were passing around what looked like $100 between their mouths. There was a spot next to a guy whose hair was a blinding platinum blond, and Johnny settled on sitting next to him. The guy glanced at him and smiled. Johnny was a little intimidated and was only able to give him a nod.

The money was coming toward the blonde, and Johnny realized that he was about to indirectly kiss a complete stranger. But he was also drunk, and didn't really give a fuck. Suddenly, he realized two things. One, his lips were in contact with the blonde, no paper in between, and two, he felt tiny crystals go into his mouth. Johnny didn't know how to necessarily react, but if he chickened out and ran away he would've looked pathetic.

The blonde guy was way too into the kiss, tongue and all, but Johnny found himself going with the flow. A few people cheered and whistled. He pulled away first, wiping his mouth. "What did I just eat?" Johnny breathed out, winded from the kiss.

"Molly," The blonde guy said casually.

"Johnny!" Jaehyun came up behind Johnny and grabbed his shoulders. "You're already getting into it!"

Johnny shook Jaehyun off of him, and he was on a journey to find the nearest bathroom. He had a little trouble trying to stay upright, falling onto people as he tried to keep his center of balance. Giving up, he stood near the kitchen and watched people dance and smoke and do their usual thing. Johnny noticed that the colors were starting to intensify. The blue lighting became more vivid and bright, and the music sounded a lot more clearer. Was it muffled to begin with?

The drugs were kicking in.

* * *

Johnny was high as fuck, but that didn't stop him from reacting to the several gunshots that went off. He was the first one to start running. People pushed and shove him aside, and drinks were spilled onto the ground. The music stopped abruptly, and it made the sound of the shots louder. Johnny then felt a sharp pain his calf that caused him to fall onto the sidewalk. He reached down to touch it, and warm blood covered his fingers. That was when he fainted.

* * *

"Seo Youngho, what were you thinking?"

Johnny was in a hospital bed. It was 10 o'clock in the morning and his mother was reaming the shit out of him. He understood why, but at the same time he didn't want to hear it. Hell, his whole family probably knew by now because his mother always called everyone whenever Johnny did something bad.

His father was silent the whole time.

"Mom, I know I messed up–"

"You sneaked out. You left the house without my permission. I didn't know you were out there 'living it up' until I got a call from the police at three in the morning. You're lucky you got out of this alive, Youngho! What if that bullet hit you elsewhere, huh? Then what?" His mother commanded. "Do I need to remind you where we live? Oh my god, I should've been on top of this when I smelled cigarette smoke on your shirts. This is my fault."

Johnny groaned. "Mom, it's not your fault. I'm just a bad kid."

"Let me talk!" His mother snapped. "You're not a bad kid. You're a good kid that makes terrible decisions. Youngho… you're my whole world. I love you more than anything. If there's three things I love the most it's you, your father, and God himself. Do you understand that?"

Johnny nodded.

His mother let out a sigh. "I called your Aunt Hyesun that lives in Busan. She made a suggestion that might be good… for you."

"Like what?" Johnny asked, raising his eyebrow. "You don't sound…" He trailed off, realizing what his mother might have been suggesting."Wait… mom, you're not serious. Please tell me you're not going to do what I think you're going to do. She's not even my blood aunt! I'll never leave the house again unless it's for school. I'll quit smoking, I'll throw out my pipes, I'll give you my weed–"

 _"What?!"_ His mother shrilled. "We'll talk about that later. But you haven't seen Hyesun in a long time, and I think it'd be good if you spent the summer in Korea with her."

"Mom, I–"

"This isn't a suggestion, it's an order," His mother stated drily. "I'm doing this because I love you."

Johnny rubbed his eyes. "Please tell me you're joking."

"It's as much of a joke as the bullet wound in your leg, Youngho. Don't pick a fight."

He couldn't come up with a rebuttal, so he closed his mouth as his mother pulled him in for a tight hug.

* * *

Johnny had, more or less, became a celebrity at school. People asked him for his retelling of how he got shot, but he kindly turned them down or simply ignored them. Compliments like "GOAT" were thrown his way, but in the back of his mind he thought about how everything would be different if he had gotten shot in the chest or head. No one would want to talk about the shooting at the party, there would be no words of praise. His name would be branded into the history of his school, and a grey cloud would form over Chicago for a few days until it dissipated.

He tried not to dwell on it. Things like that were best left untouched.

* * *

"This is my fault," Jaehyun pouted. He and Johnny were behind the school again, and Jaehyun stared at Johnny's leg. It was all bandaged up, but thankfully he didn't need crutches. Jaehyun offered him a drag of his cigarette, but Johnny shook his head.

"It's not your fault, man. I wanted to go that party. You didn't make me do anything," Johnny said. "My mom is bugging out."

They stood in silence for a moment. Jaehyun put out his cigarette, and then gave Johnny a warm, tender hug. Johnny noticed that Jaehyun had never hugged him like this. They had dapped each other up, clapped each other on the back, but this was different.

"I'm gonna miss you, dude. This place is gonna suck without you," Jaehyun sighed.

"I'm gonna miss you too," Johnny replied. "I'm gonna miss you too."

* * *

When Johnny got home, a copy of his flight itinerary was printed out and left Johnny's bed. Sixteen hour flight. Sixteen hours to think about how he fucked up.


	2. Chapter 2

"I have my passport, my school ID, my itinerary… I'll be fine."

Johnny was in the backseat of his mother's car, and he could see the airport in his direct line of vision. _This was it,_ he thought, _I really messed up._

About ten minutes into the drive, he tentatively touched his lips. Johnny's mother knew about the molly; the urine test the hospital had ran showed it. But he hadn't told her about how it got into his system. Johnny didn't even want it anyway, but that stranger had kissed him, and that stranger was a _guy._

Was Johnny obligated to tell her this? He had already screwed up a lot of things for himself, so what harm would it do if he told her right there, right now, that he had kissed a boy? Did it even make him gay? Johnny had no problem sitting next to the guy, and even if the money didn't fall he still would've been indirectly kissing him.

"Stop thinking so much," His mother told him, her knuckles turning pale from holding on to the steering wheel. "You'll be fine. We'll be fine. Text me when you land, and call me at least twice a week, okay?" She paused, her face softening. "I love you."

"I love you too," Johnny replied, his stomach turning into a knot as the car pulled up into the front of the airport.

* * *

Johnny didn't look back at his mother when he went through airport customs, but he knew if he saw the tears wetting her cheeks, he would cry too.

She was crying because of him.

* * *

Within those sixteen hours it took to get to Busan, Johnny pondered a lot of possibilities. He imagined going back in time and stopping himself from going down the stairs, and telling himself not to be an idiot. Maybe if he hadn't gotten involved in that paper kissing game, all of this would've ended better. There was another outcome Johnny didn't want to think about, but it permeated his mind anyway: what if he got shot in the leg regardless?

What if, no matter what course fate took, the bullet was inevitable? In another life, did it hit him in the chest? Would Jaehyun have taken the bullet for him?

The in-flight entertainment didn't stop his mind from running a mile a minute. Not even Baz Luhrmann's remake of _The Great Gatsby_ was enough to distract him, but then again, why would anyone choose fucking Spiderman to play the most cynical character in literature? _Bad casting call,_ Johnny noted to himself as he bit the inside of his cheek.

Johnny also realized that he hadn't seen his Aunt Hyesun since… well, he can't remember. His mother told him she babysat him when he was a toddler, but he couldn't necessarily put a clear face to the name. He was only familiar with her because he was coerced into calling her during major holidays, the laid back tone of her voice always remaining the same. The only big fact he knew about Hyesun was how she met his mother.

Hyesun and Johnny's mom met in high school. His mother was working part-time at a diner downtown, and Hyesun got hired as some sort of dishwasher a few months later. They didn't hit it off instantly. As a matter of fact, the two girls didn't talk to each other until Johnny's mother caught Hyesun stealing from the tip jar, but Johnny's mother didn't say anything to the manager because _she_ had stolen from the tip jar a few times herself.

"My dad…" Hyesun told Johnny's mother one day. "He isn't here in the States with us right now because he's sick. And my godmother can't work because of her back. I… I need to take what I can get. I have to help pay for his treatment."

After that, the two were attached at the hip. It was Hyesun that played a major part in the wedding planning for Johnny's parents. The baby shower was put together by her as well. Even when Hyesun made the decision to move back to Korea to take care of her father for the last few years he had left, it wasn't goodbye. Johnny's mother cried, but Hyesun simply said, "See you later," and smiled as if she had won the lottery.

Johnny knew all of this based on the stories his mother would tell, and she was always gushing about how much of a lovely person she was. He hoped it held true.

* * *

He didn't know what to expect, but Hyesun was nothing like he pictured.

She was a tiny woman, not even over 149 centimeters. Her hair was short, the ends curling around her ears. Tiny grey hairs were peeking out of her hairline, and her wrinkles were a little deep, but there was something youthful about her eyes. It made Johnny's shoulders a little less tense.

"Oh!" She exclaimed before embracing him. The people in the airport looked on, some smiling, others a little confused. "I haven't seen you since you were tiny, and now you're so big! People can't even mistake you for my son, you're too tall!"

Johnny laughed awkwardly. His Korean needed a lot of fine-tuning, and it didn't help that Hyesun was talking quickly. "It's… good to see you." He managed to get out.

Hyesun smirked. "You've been causing your mother some trouble, no?"

"A little bit," Johnny said reluctantly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "It's not like I meant to… it's a long story. But… I'm kind of hungry right now? And a little sleepy… jet lag sucks." He finished in English.

Hyesun smiled. "I figured, that's why I picked up some McDonald's on the way here. Your mom told me you what you like. We can eat in the car, and you can tell me your… wild story," she said, grabbing Johnny's hand. "Now come on, we have a lot of catching up to do and lots of people for you to meet!"

* * *

The sound of Hyesun drinking her soda echoed through the car as Johnny tried to think of how to explain what had happened.

"So, that wasn't the first time I had gone out," Johnny started, his mouth full of fries. "I used to leave the house in the middle of the night to take walks. It helps me with my anxiety."

"Right," Hyesun replied.

"Then my friend, Jaehyun, told me about this party that was going to happen. He didn't force me to go. I really, really wanted to go because…" He trailed off. Johnny didn't even know why he wanted to go to begin with. "Anyway, I ended up going. I did a few shots, and accidentally took ecstasy **–** "

Hyesun choked on her drink. "How do you accidentally take ecstasy?! Did you accidentally do the shots too? Jesus." She pulled herself together, remembering that she was driving. "No wonder your mother was practically sobbing over the phone. That reminds me, she told me to tell you to call her when you landed. Call her when we get to the house, okay?"

Johnny nodded. "Got it. But… it really was an accident."

"Did someone slip it into something you consumed?" Hyesun inquired.

"Well, no. It was more like… I was playing this more intense version of the paper kissing game? And I guess if the paper fell, you got ecstasy in you mouth. It was like, a combination of 'mafia' and that." Johnny said. It sounded better in his head. Hyesun's mouth was open, but no comment came out.

"So a girl planted… drugs… into your mouth? By kissing you?"

It was a guy, actually. "Yeah."

* * *

"Welcome to your punishment," Hyesun announced as she unlocked the door to her apartment.

The living room was plain. There was a large window with a few plants sitting by it, and a TV mounted up on the wall. Below it was a shelf that held a DVD player, a sound system, and too many CDs for Johnny to count. The dining table was a few feet away. Across from the TV, there was a large couch, and Johnny was surprised to see three bean bags next to it.

The kitchen was small and cozy, and a laptop was on the counter. Only one tab was open, and it was some cooking website that was in Korean.

"You can stay in the guest room. That was where my dad stayed when he used to live here. Before he passed." Hyesun paused. "Ah, that sounds creepy, but I promise there's no vengeful ghosts in there. I can help you with your bags if you want?"

Johnny shook his head. "It's fine. Thank you, Hyesun-noona."

Hyesun scoffed. "I'm your auntie. Just call me Hyesun."

* * *

The guest room had a wall with one half taken up by a whole window. The bed was already made. The closet doors were open, and Johnny noticed how there was nothing in there. The faint smell of cleaning fluid filled the room, and he almost cried. How long had Hyesun taken to clean this whole room, for someone she hadn't seen in years? Did she think of her father every time she cleaned the corners, thinking about how Johnny would occupy it?

Johnny regretted not wanting to come. Hyesun was lonely. His company was so appreciated by her, and he sulked and wallowed in self-pity for the whole flight.

He pulled out his phone and dialed his mother's number.

_"Youngho! You landed safely?"_

"Yeah. Hyesun's really nice." Johnny said. "I like it here I think."

_"Good. And please, don't do anything bad while you're with her. I sent you there for a reason you know."_

"I know."

_"That's the Youngho I raised. I love you."_

"I love you more."

_"Bye-bye now."_

"Bye."

* * *

Johnny didn't remember falling asleep, but he woke up at around noon to the sound of people talking in the living room. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and dragged himself to the source of the voices. Teenage voices.

Hyesun spotted Johnny in the hallway and clapped her hands excitedly. "Johnny! I have some people I want you to meet that live in the building. Actually, some of them live about one or two blocks away from here, but I want you to meet them anyway!"

Three boys were standing next to her, and they all looked about Johnny's age. One of them had what seemed like a million piercings on his ears, and the one standing in the middle waved tentatively. The third one nodded in Johnny's general direction. Johnny waved back, unsure of why Hyesun was playing friendship-matchmaker when he had just woke up.

"This is Ten, Hansol, and Taeyong. They all live in the neighborhood, and they're very nice boys. I know you don't want to hang out with me the whole time you're here, so I told them they should get to know you." Hyesun said, a smile on her face. Her eyes were tiny crescents, and there was an unmistakable glint in her eye. "You all can fraternize outside and whatnot, and talk about boy things where I can't listen."

* * *

Johnny, Taeyong, Hansol, and Ten were all sitting outside on the steps of the apartment building, and it was silent. It was so awkward, and Johnny wanted to melt into the concrete and die.

"So, Hyesun-noona told us you're from America," Taeyong stated. "Are you here for vacation or something?"

 _Technically, yes._ "Yes and no." Johnny answered, running his fingers over his leg. It was still bandaged, and he could feel the thickness through his jeans. "It's a complicated story that might make me look bad."

At this, Ten scooted closer. "I like complicated stories."

Johnny wasn't sure if he was sweating because of the heat or because he was actually going to tell the story to a group of guys he hadn't even known for an hour. "I… kind of went out of the house. Without telling my parents. I did some bad things." He said slowly. "Like, I technically broke the law two or three times in one night."

Hansol's jaw was slack. "Shut up. What did you do?"

"I did shots and took a very illegal drug. By accident. I mean, the shots were intentional, but the drugs were an accident. I swear." Johnny put his hands up in the air. He surveyed the guys' faces. Ten was leaning in waiting to hear more, Taeyong looked scandalized, and Hansol's eyebrows were raised in interest. "And I may or may not have taken a bullet to my calf because someone decided to start shooting at the party."

"I call bullshit," Hansol jeered. "Show us or you didn't really get shot."

 _I am not about to undress my fucking bullet wound for this kid,_ Johnny mused to himself, but his actions were contradicting his thoughts. He rolled up the leg of his jeans and began undoing the bandages. His eyes were shut the whole time; he hadn't seen the wound since he had taken the bullet, and he didn't want to see it again. When he heard Ten shout, "Fuck man!", and Hansol started gagging, he knew that his wound was exposed.

"Oh shit. Okay. Okay. It's real," Hansol said, fanning his face. "Shit! You fucker!"

Taeyong covered his face with his hands, but his fingers were splayed open slightly. "Who did you piss off?"

"No one," Johnny shrugged as he re-wrapped his wound. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm not a gang member or anything, I swear."

Ten wrapped his arm around Johnny's shoulder, a devilish grin on his face. "You're fucking cool."

Johnny made a noise in protest. "Am not. Don't follow my example."

"Are you kidding me? I wish I could sneak out of my house. My mother would grab me by the ear and drag me to hell before I even made it to the door." Hansol whined. "Teach us your ways."

This was going to be a long, long summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: hyesun is loosely based off my gender theory teacher (who is the greatest of all time and i love her) but anyways! i hope you guys are liking it!


	3. Chapter 3

Johnny woke up at an ungodly hour of morning, and was a little bit startled when he realized that he wasn't in his usual bed. _Right,_ he reminded himself, _I'm not home anymore._ His body was now a little too wired to go back to sleep, so he settled on staring at the corner of the room for a few.

He could see the blue light of a television peeking through the bottom his door, which meant that Hyesun was awake. This had caught Johnny's attention because really, who the hell would willingly be awake at this time? He carefully got out of his bed, trying to limit the amount of noise the bed would make.

It turned out that Hyesun wasn't awake: she had fallen asleep watching the news. She was face down, cheek smushed against one of the pillows, and one leg was hanging off the couch. Johnny found it all too comedic, and regretted not bringing his phone with him. His mother would've loved to see that picture.

Johnny's eyes traveled to the television. He hadn't checked the news in a while, but another thing struck him as well: he hadn't checked if there was any more news about the shooting.

He went back to his room and began to frantically tap on his phone screen until an article came up.

> **SHOOTER AT BELMONT GARDENS PARTY ARRESTED**
> 
> _The shooter at a party in Belmont Gardens that took place Sunday morning has been identified as 18-year-old Eric Kubicek. Kubicek allegedly got into an altercation with a student in the upstairs level of the house, and it  turned into a large-scale fight, which caused Kubicek to pull out his gun and fire into the crowd. However, Kubicek did not stop after breaking up the conflict._
> 
> _He was still looking for the guy, and the guy had ran off," the host of the party, who declined to reveal their identity, testified, "and then he started shooting at random because he was in this blind rage."_
> 
> _There were no fatalities, but over fifteen people were injured. Kubicek was arrested at his mother's home in Kosciuszko Park, where he allegedly got the gun that was used in the shooting._  

 Johnny closed the tab on his phone, feeling a little nauseous.

* * *

 Johnny, Ten, Taeyong, and Hansol were all on the steps of the apartment building again.

"I'm bored," Taeyong said bluntly. "Are we just going to sit here all day? Can't we go to the park or something? We should do that."

"And do what? Get stuck in the swing sets and burn ourselves going down the slides? Hansol responded, his speech obscured by the lollipop in his mouth. "No offense, but we're not little kids. I think we should go to the movies."

"There's nothing good right now," Ten whined. "Let's ask Johnny what he wants to do."

The three boys turned to look at Johnny, who was passively listening to the conversation. It wasn't until he felt Ten's gaze burning holes into his skin that it was his cue to talk. "Oh… I don't know. I don't really know this place too well, so I'm not a good person to ask. Sorry." _God, they probably think I'm boring now._

"What did you usually do back home? Aside from hard partying," Hansol teased.

Johnny sneered at him. "I hope you choke on your lollipop. Also, that was my _first_ party, so don't push it. And… I take walks? Or walk people's dogs. Smoke a cigarette or two. I'm a simple man."

"Walks," Hansol repeated. "We could all just wander around town. It's not like we're screwed if we get lost. I say we should do it."

"Right now?" Ten asked.

"Yeah, let's do it," Hansol said, getting up and beginning to walk. "Are you guys coming or what?"

Taeyong shot up from his spot and started running after Hansol, the soles of his sneakers smacking against the sidewalk. Johnny had no intention of following, but suddenly a hand was gripping his wrist and he was being dragged.

"Come on you idiot!" Ten shouted, chasing Taeyong and Hansol. Johnny's stomach churned in response to the feeling of Ten's slender fingers wrapping around his wrist, but it gave him this odd adrenaline rush. Or maybe it was because he was running. He pushed that to the back of his mind, shook his arm out of Ten's grasp, and started to run.

* * *

The four boys stopped in front of a corner store, happily tearing the plastic off the popsicles they had gotten. Taeyong sat down on the concrete trying to catch his breath, and Ten was leaning into Johnny. Which was totally fine. Johnny wanted to push him off, but at the same time he wanted to stay there, and his perplexed emotions made him want to throw himself off a roof.

To Johnny, Ten was unnerving and captivating at the same time. Something about this kid with too many piercings and hair hanging in his face was so fucking interesting to him, and he desperately craved his approval and attention. But at the same time, Johnny hated how much he wanted Ten to like him. Hansol seemed to grow fond of him quickly, and Taeyong was still a work in progress, but he really, really wanted Ten to genuinely give a shit about him.

"Why did we run here?" Hansol was out of breath. "Jesus."

"I'm gonna throw up," Taeyong huffed out. "After this, no more running. Are we clear?"

Everyone nodded. Ten was still comfortably pressed into Johnny's side, a lazy smile hanging on his lips. Johnny's mouth went a little dry when he noticed a little bit of popsicle juice was resting on the cupid's bow of Ten's lips.

* * *

Despite Hansol's protests, they all ended up at the park anyway.

Instead of wreaking havoc on the playground, all of them settled on laying down on the grass in the field. Hansol was poking at the dirt with a stick he found a few feet away, pouting. "Remind me why we're here again?"

"Because I want to watch the sun go down," Ten said, eyes focused on the horizon. The sky was a blend of orange and pink, and Johnny noticed how the little bits of light were highlighting Ten's features. The bits of pink glimmered off his earrings, and Johnny forced himself to look the other way.

"The mosquitoes are chewing me up right now" Taeyong slapped his arms and legs a few times. "I learned that they don't even contribute to the ecosystem, so can someone explain to me why these things even exist?"

Taeyong's expression soured when he noticed everyone was ignoring him, and he decided to succumb to the comfortable silence. The sky was turning a deep blue now, and the shades of pink and orange became tiny slivers. For the first time since everything went down, Johnny felt like he could breathe. There was an air of unreality that disappear as he stared up at everything above him. He was _here._ In a different city, a different country, a different continent– he was living in a timezone that contrasted his parents. And it was so foreign to him, even if it was in his blood.

"It's cool, don't you think?" Ten asked, eyes a little bit lidded. He was talking about the sky, but Johnny didn't catch on until he saw Ten dreamily looking up.

"Yeah. It's dope," Johnny replied. He turned his head to look at Ten. There was this childlike happiness reflected his in eyes that made Johnny inexplicably happy, and he couldn't help giggling.

"What's so funny?" Hansol questioned, still playing with the dirt.

"Nothing. I'm just enjoying the view," Johnny said casually, looking at Ten, who was no longer looking at him.

"Is it too late to go to Starbucks right now?" Hansol asked.

"Starbucks sounds good right now, but I don't feel like getting up," Taeyong said, eyes closed. "Johnny, Ten, you can go get us food. We'll give you the money?"

Johnny sucked his teeth. "Why can't you go get it? I don't even know where it is!"

"That's why Ten's going with you, duh," Taeyong replied curtly. "I want a grande caramel macchiato. The cold one, not the warm one. Hansol, what do you want?"

"Uh… grande iced coffee. Bring a lot of sugar packets with you."

Taeyong and Hansol pooled their money together and handed it to Ten. "We love you guys."

"Whatever," Ten said, a smile on his face. "Let's go, Johnny."

* * *

"Hyesun-noona said you're from Chicago."

Johnny was holding four drinks in a tray while Ten avoided stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk (which was cute to him). "Yeah. It's alright I guess. I mean, I like living there, but I hate seeing the same things over and over. It drives you crazy after a while."

"That's how I feel about Bangkok," Ten paused. "But now that I'm away from it, I miss it. I've lived there for ages and I've always wanted to leave, and now that I'm not there anymore… I want it back. Isn't it weird how things work like that sometimes?" He laughed, and it was light and airy. Johnny felt a little faint at the sound.

"I understand. Now that I think about it, I miss being home," Johnny bit the inside of his cheek. "I fucked up really bad with my parents. My dad hasn't even talked to me since everything went down.

Ten wrapped his arm around Johnny, giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, and Johnny's skin prickled at the contact. "I mean, it's understandable where he's coming from. He's probably feeling a lot right now, I think he'll come around. Don't worry so much."

Johnny shook his head. "No… I don't know. I'm so selfish. Nobody told me to go to that party. I could've stayed home and had another boring night."

"You sound pitiful right now. We're still teenagers. We're supposed to mess up from to time. Like," Ten stopped walking and gestured to their surroundings, "look at these people coming home from work at _this_ time of night. Business attire and shit. Do they look happy to you?"

Something about being aware of the frown lines on adult faces made Johnny shiver a little. He could never picture himself in a cubicle, his spine contorted from craning himself over a desktop. The idea of drowning in paperwork and sticky notes was enough to make him feel a little bit sick to his stomach. "No. They don't."

"Exactly. Johnny, we're going to be in some sort of position like that soon, so make as many mistakes as you can before time's up. Live a little. I'm not saying to go do every drug on the planet, but don't beat up on yourself because of the one time you jumped out of line. I mean, if you want to every drug, I guess you could. Wait, I'm going on a tangent. Anyway," Ten sighed. "You're not selfish."

"Thanks Ten," Johnny smiled. "You should be one of those motivational speakers when you're older. You know, the ones that tuck their shirts into their dad jeans."

Ten snatched his drink out of the tray in Johnny's hands, and pretended he was about to dump it on Johnny. "Shut up. I give you the best speech you've probably ever heard, and you tell me to wear dad jeans? I'm hurt."

"I'm sorry I broke your heart. Now come on, let's go before Taeyong freaks out."

* * *

Hyesun was waiting for Johnny on the couch, her jaw locked.

"You didn't tell me you'd be going out today," Hyesun stated.

"I'm sorry," Johnny quietly responded.

"You're not in Chicago anymore. Just… please, don't go anywhere without telling me, okay? Shoot me a call next time." Hyesun looked a little exasperated, and a pang of guilt traveled through Johnny. "I'm not mad at you, so don't look like a kicked puppy. I need to know where you are so I know you're safe.. Okay?"

Johnny nodded.

Hyesun's frown turned into a mellow smile. "There we go. Did you have fun with the boys?"

"Yeah. They're okay," Johnny sat down next to Hyesun. "A little bit weird, but they're okay. I like them." _I like Ten the most._ "Ten's a little bit out of it sometimes. Like, his head is somewhere else most of the time." _I want to know why._ "It was nice to hang out with them."

* * *

Johnny didn't want to call it a crush, per say. The thought of doing anything more than hugging Ten made him feel a little bit dizzy, but he liked hanging out with him. And looking at him, that was also his favorite activity to partake in. If he closed his eyes, he could perfectly map out Ten's conch piercing, and the two moles on the side of his neck that looked like a vampire bite. His cupid's bow was burned into his brain, and the scar on his cheek was printed on the back of eyelids. Johnny wondered how many more things he could remember if he could stare at Ten for more than five seconds without feeling his face turn hot.

But it wasn't a crush. That's not how it works. His crush was supposed to a be a cute girl that would laugh at his jokes, whose head would fit into the crook of his neck like a lock and a key. He had heard a few girls on the volleyball team thought he was cute, but he didn't feel anything in response to that, and it terrified him. Sure, Jaehyun wasn't exactly straight, but the difference between him and Johnny is that Jaehyun was so damn sure of himself all the time. Another thing that made Johnny hate him sometimes.

_Maybe it could work out. Maybe things could go well, and we'd be doing stupid couple shit._

Johnny attempted to discard the thought, but it circled around his mind until he fell into a fitful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Wow, a phone call. You must really miss me,"_  Jaehyun said.

"Yeah. I can't be too loud though. It's like, 5 o'clock in the morning," Johnny whispered.

_"Timezones suck."_

"Tell me about it."

_"So how's Busan?"_

"Uh, it's okay. My aunt's apartment is pretty cool, and there are these guys I'm hanging out with. They're around our age."

_"Any cute girls?"_

Johnny swallowed hard. "Jaehyun–"

_"Or guys, should I say. You were so into that guy you kissed at Sulli's party."_

"He drugged me, dude. And I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of all of those people, so I went with it. Besides, you were sucking face too."

_"We're not discussing my promiscuous misadventures right now, Mr. Seo. Now, as I was saying, seen anyone you like?"_

Johnny could tell him, but what would he say? _I'm straight, but there's this cute guy that I like looking at because he's pretty._ Jaehyun would hire someone to fly to Busan and slap him if he said something like that. At a loss for words, he simply sighed. Jaehyun started cackling.

"What's so fucking funny?"

_"You caught feelings for someone. Who? When? Why? How?"_

"It's… a guy. One of the guys I'm hanging out with," The words came off Johnny's tongue feeling heavy and strange. "I don't know. He's cute, but I don't really know him. We haven't been buddy-buddy for that long."

 _"Does this mean you're down for… homosexual activity?"_ Jaehyun stressed the vowels on the last two words, and he started laughing again. Johnny wanted to step on his throat.

"I'm hanging up."

 _"Don't! I'm sorry,"_ Jaehyun was out of breath, _"I'll stop. But is he cute? What does he look like? Never mind that, what's his name?"_

"His nickname is Ten. I don't know his full name though. He has so many fucking piercings."

_"...His nickname is a number? Must be a douche then."_

"Says the douche himself," Johnny snapped.

_"As much as I would love to make a witty rebuttal to your bullshit statement, my mom is making me go with her to some business dinner. I'll send you the appetizers in the mail."_

"I hate you."

_"You adore me. Bye! And bring me back a souvenir."_

Jaehyun ended the call, and Johnny instantly felt bored. Sleep wasn't an option because he was now wide awake after talking to Jaehyun, but he didn't feel like getting up either.

"Are you talking to your girlfriend or something?"

Johnny leapt five feet off his bed at the sound of Hyesun's voice. Her face was peeking through the door, eyes bleary with sleep. "God! Hyesun, you scared me. And that _wasn't_ my girlfriend."

Hyesun smiled. "Ah, who am I to judge. When I moved back here, I called your mom every day at around this time. Now, since you're awake, I guess I should start making breakfast…." She left the doorway of the room and hightailed it to the kitchen. "Do you want an egg with your rice?" Hyesun called from the kitchen.

"Yes! Thank you!" Johnny called back.

* * *

"We should have a fucking sleepover," Taeyong said.

"Wash your fucking mouth," Hansol complained, "but it's a good idea."

All four boys were now in Taeyong's room. A large _Reservoir Dogs_ poster was proudly hanging over his bed, and there were a few pictures old bands that Johnny recognized. His eyes were drawn to black speakers sitting at the foot of Taeyong's bed.

"Do you want the aux cord?" Taeyong asked. "I need new music suggestions anyway, knock yourself out."

Johnny scooted closer to grab the speakers, but the sound of his sneakers hitting glass stopped him in his tracks. He reached under the bed to feel what had hit his foot, and ended up pulling out a half-empty bottle of Ciroc. Alarm bells went off in Johnny's head. The last time he ever got near alcohol, he got a bullet to the leg. He looked at the bottle, then looked back at Taeyong in utter disbelief.

"Holy shit," Hansol scrambled over the Johnny and snatched the bottle out of his hands. He analyzed it from all sides, reading the labels. "Is this real?"

"No, I pee in it when I don't want to get up and use the bathroom. Of course it's real!" Taeyong took the bottle back. "Why would I have a bottle of vodka under my bed? As a prop?"

"Where did you get that from?" Ten's eyes were trained on the bottle, which was now being cradled in Taeyong's arms like a baby.

"A friend of mine. And there's more where that came from. Hold on."

Taeyong stood up on his bed and pushed up a panel in the ceiling. From the angle where Johnny was sitting, he could see several bottles of liquor stored up there. The urge to leave the room was so strong, but Johnny couldn't bring himself to get up from the floor.

"You know, you're never too young to go to rehab," Ten remarked. "Seriously, where did you get this from?"

"Just let it happen, Chittaphon," Hansol was craning his neck to get a glimpse at the bottles. "Taeyong, if you've had this stash the whole time, why didn't you share?"

"Well," Taeyong opened the bottle of Ciroc on the bed and took a swig, "I'm sharing now, aren't I? Here, knock yourself out. Look's like this sleepover is going to have to be tonight." He sat down on the bed and passed the Ciroc to Hansol. He took a small sip, then passed it to Ten, who did the same.

The bottle was now in Johnny's hand. He tensed up again. His mother told him not do anything he would regret while he was here.

 _Fuck it,_ he thought as he took out his phone.

> **TO: AUNT HYESUN**
> 
> _taeyong wants to have a sleepover tonight_

He knew he should've said "no", and told them that he had to go home, but what Ten said reverberated through his mind. This was simply another mistake. A fun, drunk mistake that was going to take place.

> **FROM: HYESUN**
> 
> _alright. come home and get everything you need._

* * *

"What band is this?" Taeyong asked as he opened another bottle of Ciroc.

Johnny's phone was hooked up to the speakers, and an odd R&B/experimental song was playing at full volume. "Lolawolf. The frontman is Lenny Kravitz's daughter I think. Zoë. Some of the songs are a hit or a miss. I usually listen to this when I'm… engaging in certain illegal activities."

Ten raised his eyebrow. "Like what?"

Johnny did a crude impression of rolling a joint and smoking it, which made Hansol choke on his own spit.

It wasn't that Johnny was necessarily a pothead; he wasn't stupid enough to show up in public places under the influence, and he didn't name his favorite pipe (like Jaehyun did). Smoking was an inconsistent hobby. He did it when he was home alone, stuffing a towel under his door and cracking a window open so the smell wouldn't stay in his room, and sometimes he went to Jaehyun's house and lit up with him.

The sound of a door unlocking caused Taeyong to shove the bottle into Ten's hands, and Ten pushed it under the bed.

Taeyong's mom was now standing in the doorway, a smile on her face. "I'm home!" She turned her head to look at Johnny, who was smiling awkwardly. "Taeyong, I see you made a new friend! What's your name?"

"Youngho, miss. I prefer to be called Johnny, but you don't have to call me that."

Taeyong's mom laughed. "Okay, Johnny! Taeyong, don't forget to do the dishes. And I got your text about the sleepover, but please, don't make too much noise okay? And," she pointed her finger accusingly at Taeyong, "guests don't make you exempt from doing chores. Love you."

She closed the door, and Taeyong let out a heavy sigh. "So much for drinking tonight. I didn't think she'd be home early… we can still have fun though, right?"

Johnny let out a breath he was holding since Taeyong opened up the ceiling.

"Let's play truth or dare," Ten suggested.

"We're not teenage girls," Hansol scoffed.

"Speak for yourself unless you have a better idea of how to kill time. Let's do it," Taeyong got off of his bed and sat next to Johnny. "I'll start."

* * *

They had gone thirty minutes choosing "truth." Johnny learned that the last girl Taeyong kissed was his mother (which earned snickers from Hansol), Ten's most embarrassing moment was when he fell off a stripper pole, and Hansol was more of a boob guy than a butt guy. They asked easy questions, and that put Johnny at ease. Until the worst happened.

"Who was the last person you kissed that wasn't family?" Ten asked.

Johnny's lips started burning. The taste of drugs on his tongue was coming back, and his palms felt sweaty. He could lie. Tell them that it was a girl that kissed him, her mouth full of ecstasy, and everything would move on. _I'm taking too long to answer, shit._ "It was someone at a party. The same party I got shot at."

Ten wasn't satisfied. "Was it a boy or a girl?"

 _Shit._ "Does it matter?"

The room was quiet sans the shitty trap music playing softly on the speakers. Taeyong exchanged a strange look with Hansol. Johnny carded his hands through his hair. "Okay, okay. It was a guy. It was a mistake though. I was drunk, and there was this paper kissing game, and then I sat next to this guy who had drugs in his mouth and he shared them with me, and– don't laugh!"

Hansol was on the floor, cackling until no sound was coming out. Johnny was mortified and covered his face, refusing to look at anyone in the room.

"Johnny, relax. It's not a big deal," Taeyong said, rubbing his back. "It's funny as fuck, but it's not a big deal. Besides, it's not a bad story to tell your future friends."

Johnny tried to keep a straight face, but a small smile broke through his pout. "Whatever. Let's get back to this stupid game."

Hansol was staring at Taeyong with an unreadable look in his eye, then gave Johnny the same expression. "Taeyong, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Taeyong replied.

"I dare you to kiss Johnny."

Johnny whipped his head to look at Ten, who seemed a little bit indifferent to what Hansol suggested. _What does that mean? Is he mad at Hansol?_ He turned his head to gauge Taeyong's reaction, but before he could get a good look at his face, Taeyong's mouth was on his. Johnny's eyes bulged for a moment, but he realized how rude that was. _Why am I thinking about manners when I'm kissing?_ He asked himself. Taeyong's lips were a little bit rough, but it wasn't bad, and there was no tongue. Taeyong pulled away and shrugged it off like it was nothing. And for some reason, that had Johnny fucked up way more than it should have. Hansol slow clapped, which got a well-deserved middle finger from Taeyong. Ten was silent, scrolling through his phone and ignoring the whole scene.

_He's disgusted. God, he probably thinks I'm so fucking gross. I am fucking gross. I just let this guy kiss me and I went along with it._

Johnny wanted to feel the uncomfortable burn of alcohol in his throat. He wanted to forget everything that happened, wanted to turn back time so that Ten wasn't acting so strange. If he was really that repulsed by Johnny kissing Taeyong, then how would he have reacted if Johnny had kissed _him_ of all people? What if Johnny read the signs wrong and ended up kissing him, and Ten shoved him off and told him he was screwed up?

Johnny wanted to go home and bury himself under the covers, and wanted cry into Hyesun's shoulder, but he remembered that he couldn't tell her all of this either.

The night went on without any more significant hitches, but the sickness Johnny felt in the pit of his stomach didn't cease until he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Johnny woke up about an hour later, and the first person in his direct line of vision was Taeyong, who was staring at him. A wave of nausea went through Johnny as he recalled the kiss they shared.

"Can I help you?" He tried his best to give Taeyong a questioning look, but his eyes were glued shut from exhaustion.

"That kiss didn't mean anything," Taeyong blurted. "I like girls. And guys. But I don't like _you._ Does that make sense?"

Johnny nodded slowly. "Okay. So you're bi?"

"Yeah."

It was quiet. Taeyong was now mapping out the ceiling, trying to make out the cracks and imperfections in the darkness of his room. Johnny was a little more at ease now, but there was anxiety deep in his bones that he was dying to get rid off. He wanted to claw himself open and tear it out, cast it away as far as possible. How could Taeyong be secure in his own identity? How could he adopt his label with such ease, and be so casual about it?

Johnny's "straightness", or lack of, in this case, was his security blanket. He smiled at the girl who was his lab partner, fist-bumped his shitty male acquaintances whenever they talked about endeavors and adventures under the sheets with different girls. He did what he was expected to do, and he was fitting in until that sly kid with a mouth full of molly stole a kiss from him.

"I really shouldn't have done that. You're straight," Taeyong sighed. "I'm so sorry. I feel like an asshole."

God, even Taeyong thought he only liked girls. How well was he playing the fucking part?

"I don't know. I mean… I'm questioning a lot of stuff right now," Johnny hid his face in his hands, and he felt like sobbing uncontrollably. "Why is it like this anyway? Where chasing skirts is fucking normal, and preferring… the world is so fucked up. All of this sucks."

"You don't have to label it if you don't want to," Taeyong said, giving Johnny a sympathetic smile. "If you're not sure about who you're into, then there's probably someone you like that you _think_ you shouldn't like."

The first image that popped into Johnny's head was Ten's face. His stupidly cute face, with his little cheek scar and his smile that made Johnny feel a little bit weak in the knees. Just a little. His face was turning hot at the thought, and Johnny was so thankful that they were in the dark.

"I do have someone that I'm not supposed to like," Johnny confessed.

"I know," Taeyong replied casually. "I've seen the way you look at him."

* * *

"Mimosas for breakfast? You're an alcoholic."

Taeyong ignored Hansol's snarky comment and passed him a glass. "I don't see you declining it, so who's the real alcoholic here?"

"You're the one with the liquor stash in your ceiling," Ten pointed out. "Johnny, come on, you have to take our side here."

Johnny was relieved that Ten had decided to no longer dismiss his existence, and he let out a breath he had been holding since he kissed Taeyong. "Yah, let's stop. He's the host, he willingly let us into his home."

Ten pouted before playfully elbowing Johnny in the arm. "You're no fun."

* * *

 

> **TO: AUNT HYESUN**
> 
> _taeyong wants to go to the movies, is it okay if i go_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: AUNT HYESUN**
> 
> _what movie?_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: AUNT HYESUN**
> 
> _some lame chick flick_
> 
> _we're getting in touch with our sensitive sides_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: AUNT HYESUN**
> 
> _yah, you little… don't have too much fun._

* * *

When Johnny said "lame chick flick", he _meant_ "lame chick flick".

The protagonist was some brunette woman in her mid-twenties trying to find love, and it doesn't go as expected, but in the end she got she wanted anyway. Add some angst, bad punchlines, and a recognizable white actor, and boom, it's a hit. The women in the audience subtly wipe their tears, but it's not very subtle when all that can be heard is non-stop sniffling. Johnny's problem was that fucking Hansol was the source of said sniffling.

Ten chucked a handful of popcorn at Hansol in retaliation, and Johnny kept giving them a nasty side-eye.

"Oh my god," Taeyong whispered, "are you fucking crying?"

Hansol sniffed. "No. My allergies act up in the summer. Fuck you."

Taeyong flicked his ear. "We're indoors, idiot, and you've never had allergies before. It's okay to admit you're a crybaby. Man, I can't wait to see your face when we sneak into that new horror movie after this."

Hansol choked on his soda, which earned glares from a couple of girls in the row in front of them. "We're _not_ sneaking into a movie. Especially a horror movie. Remember that one time I watched _The Conjuring_ with you? I slept at Mark's house for two weeks!"

"Looks like you'll be sleeping there again," Taeyong gave Hansol a wicked grin and leaned his head into his shoulder.

"This movie sucks," Ten whisper-shouted. A girl sitting in front of him turned to sneer at him. Johnny bit his bottom lip to prevent himself from laughing at Ten's inability to be subtle.

"Doesn't it? You can tell what's going to happen right from the start," Johnny said as he shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth. Ten noticed a small piece that was on the corner of Johnny's lip, and he reached up to swipe it off. It was a kind gesture, really, but Johnny wanted to sink into his seat and die right there.

"Thanks." Johnny forced a smile, but it came off as more of a "you're embarrassing me" face.

* * *

Sneaking into a horror movie sounded great on paper, but having Ten to cling to Johnny for dear life every time something mortifying happened on screen wasn't a part of the plan. Not one fucking bit. It was however, a part of Taeyong's plan because he deliberately made a seating arrangement where he would be next to Hansol, and Johnny would be forced to sit next to Ten.

It started out as sort-of-kind-of-not-really hand holding in which Ten would squeeze Johnny's fingers until they turned white. Hand holding became grabbing onto Johnny's arm, and by the midway point of the film, Ten was wrapped around Johnny like a koala bear. It was ridiculous, but Johnny loved every second of Ten holding onto him as much as he hated it.

"These people are dumb as shit. Who stays in a cabin in the middle of the woods on a full moon? And it's Friday the 13th? That's asking to die," Johnny was trying hard to keep his voice steady, hoping that Ten didn't notice the way he was shaking. Ten buried his head into Johnny's shoulder and mumbled, "It's still scary."

Johnny tentatively began to draw circles into Ten's back in an attempt to comfort him. "Hey, we can leave if you're uncomfortable. Do you want to go?"

He felt Ten nod into his shoulder, then gave Taeyong a look and mouthed, "We're gonna go."

Taeyong mouthed back, "Use protection," and made a lewd gesture with his hands that made Johnny's neck and face flush with heat.

* * *

Johnny and Ten were sitting outside of the theatre watching a busker show that was happening across the street. It was some band that was trying to promote their mixtape that was conveniently posted on Soundcloud, and the songs actually weren't bad.

"How long are you staying here?" Ten asked.

"Until the middle of August," Johnny said, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. "My mom sent me here to 'reflect' on my actions, but I don't hate it here. She made it sound like I would be in some country bumpkin place, milking cows and all of that shit." He patted his pockets to get his lighter, but he realized he left it at Hyesun's apartment. "Damn… do you–"

Ten pulled a lighter out of his pocket and passed it to Johnny.

"Oh. You smoke?"

Ten made a "so-so" gesture with his hand. "Sometimes."

Johnny tamped his pack, took out a cigarette, and happily lit it. He blew a cloud of smoke into the air above him and smiled lazily. Ten wasn't looking at him, but he was focusing on the smoke as if his life depended on it. Johnny took the time to trace over Ten's features with his eyes again, starting at the bridge of his nose and going all the way down to his neck. _You're so beautiful,_ he thought to himself.

"Excuse me?"

Johnny broke out of his trance to see Ten's eyes wide in shock. "Did you just say I'm beautiful?"

Okay, so maybe Johnny wasn't thinking to himself. "No. I mean, yes, but… I have to go. My aunt needs help with the–"

He fumbled to get on his feet, but Ten grabbed his wrist with a sudden force that had Johnny fall ever so gracefully onto his ass. "No. You're not allowed to call me beautiful after you kissed another guy that wasn't me. Johnny, what's up with you? Do you have some sort of problem?"

"Yes!" Johnny shouted. "My problem is you! My problem is Taeyong! My problem is that I thought I was straight, but one guy kisses me at some fucking high school party and now my moral compass is flawed!" He angrily took a puff of his cigarette, but ended up choking because of how hard he was breathing. "What about you, huh? What was with that 'let me climb all over Johnny' bullshit back there? Do _you_ have a problem?"

Ten scoffed. "Okay. Okay. Yeah, I have a problem."

"And what is it?"

"That you're an idiot," Ten snapped. "An idiot that can even realize he's in a gay panic. God, think about it. I didn't climb all over Taeyong or Hansol during the film, did it ever occur to you that I did it for a reason?"

Johnny took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled. "You barely know me."

"And you barely know me," Ten whispered, "but that didn't stop you from looking at me like I'm the only person in the room, did it?"

Johnny lolled his head to the side, trying to piece everything together. "So now what? Are we supposed to be all kumbaya and run off into a rainbow sunset?"

"Fuck you, Johnny."

"If that's not a proposition, I don't want to hear it." Johnny snarked, but his voice shook a little. He didn't want to say that, but at the same time he wanted Ten to shut the fuck and stop being so apprehensive. But then again, Johnny knew he would be acting the same way if the roles were switched. Ten's face was stoic, but at the same time it was nonchalant, and Johnny was little bit scared about what would happen next.

"I won't do that, but I'll make out with you angrily. Not here of course. How's that sound?"

"Excellent."

* * *

"I can't believe I'm kissing someone who got shot in the leg," Ten breathed out, his head on Johnny's chest.

"And I can't believe I'm kissing someone that has three Beyoncé posters on his wall."

Ten twisted Johnny's nipple in retaliation, and a loud yelp filled the room along with Ten's obnoxious laughter. _This is nice,_ Johnny told himself, _we can work out the details later, but this is so, so nice._

"Are we doing this wrong?" Ten asked as he shifted his position so he could be face to face with Johnny.

"Doing what wrong?"

"Aren't we supposed to do shitty, cliché confessions to each other before kissing? All we did was argue with each other about having feelings and then we made out. I can't even say 'I love you' or whatever because it's too early." Ten wrapped his arm around Johnny's torso and kissed his temple. "But I don't care."

Johnny smiled. "Well, we might as well get to know each other now. What's your favorite color?"

"Black," Ten said automatically. "And don't tell me it's not a color, or else I'm kicking you out."

"And?" Johnny challenged.

"You won't be able to make out with me again, and I'm pretty sure you're up for a second round, right?"

Johnny answered by pulling Ten on top of him and pressing his lips against his, and it was so natural. All of his second-guessing flew out of the window, and the sickness in the pit of his stomach was something of the past. After feeling out of place for so long, Ten made him feel the normalcy he had been wishing for.

* * *

Making out with Ten was brilliant idea. At least, until Johnny came back to Hyesun's apartment with swollen lips. It didn't help that his neck looked like a swarm of bees had made a home on it. Part of him was angry enough to yell at Ten later, but at the same time the memory of kissing him so hard that he blacked out made him keep his cool.

"Johnny, how was the…" Hyesun started, but her eyes immediately went to Johnny's lips and she raised her eyebrow knowingly. "Johnny."

"Auntie–"

"No. Sit next to me," She patted the empty spot next to her on the couch. Johnny complied, and Hyesun was racking her brain trying to think of where to even start. She opened her mouth a few times to start speaking, but would pause to come up with something else. Johnny felt a little sick, wondering if she knew that he made out with a guy, and that he made out with a guy not one, not two, but three times.

"I'm not going to give you the talk. That's bullshit," Hyesun started. "I'm not going to tell you to use protection because that's a given, and I'm not going to regurgitate anything you've learned in sex ed. What I am going to tell you," she poked Johnny in chest, "is to not fall in love with anyone here. You're only here temporarily. Whatever fling you're involved in needs to be nipped in the bud before your flight back to America comes."

Hyesun paused. "I know you're not going to listen to me, so here's another piece of advice: don't break their heart. Let them know they still matter before you go through customs. Understood?"

Johnny nodded, a little bit numb. He knew that Busan was temporary, but his feelings told him otherwise. In a world where everything comes to an end, Johnny wanted Ten to be a constant, romantic interest in or not.

"Who is it?" Hyesun questioned.

Johnny bit his lip. It was now or never. "Ten."

He wanted Hyesun to shove him off the couch in disgust, but instead she warmly embraced him, and Johnny's cheeks were now wet with hot tears. "Eh, don't cry. Your face is going to be puffy in the morning." Hyesun protested, which made Johnny smile. "So, this is you coming out to me, no?"

"Yeah. Please don't…" _tell my mom._

"I won't." Hyesun reassured. "I promise."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hello?"

_"Youngho. Hi."_

It was his father. Johnny withheld the urge to sigh. "Hey."

_"Are you doing okay?"_

_It took you a week to call me._ "I'm fine. Aunt Hyesun is nice, and it's nice to be somewhere else for a change." _Why didn't you check on me?_ "How is mom doing?"

 _"She's holding up better than I thought she would,"_ It was silent for a few minutes. _"We miss you."_

"I miss you guys too," Johnny replied.

_"What have you been up to?"_

_I kissed a guy._ "I made a couple of friends, and we've been hanging out a lot." _I may or may not be falling in love._ "Hyesun-noona is super nice to me, everything feels like home." _I don't think I want to go back to Chicago so soon._ "I still can't wait to come home though."

_"That's good, that's good."_

"What about you? How have you been?"

 _"I've been doing okay."_ Pause. _"I miss you, but I'm doing okay."_

Johnny didn't know what else to say. It was silent for a few seconds before the call ended abruptly, and he wanted to chuck his phone against the wall.

Johnny and his father had never exactly been harmonious. It wasn't that they hated each other, but they felt uncomfortable expressing their affection. There were no drawn out hugs, and "I love you" was something that wasn't exchanged unless it was a major holiday. Johnny wanted to blame it on masculinity, but when his father gave him a hesitated "I love you" on his birthday, he knew it was something much deeper than that.

But Johnny knew better than to pry.

His father was a man who was rough around the edges and had a strict no-nonsense policy. Johnny was a complete contrast. "You're so much like your mother." his father told him one day. "Kind, smart, humorous. You're equally reckless, too."

 _Reckless._ Johnny traced his fingers over the hickeys on his neck. _Yeah, maybe I am._

There were some days when he wondered why his mother chose to marry someone so… _boring._ How could someone so cold and calculated love someone who was warm and full of light? His father was a textbook, and his mother was a love letter. It didn't make sense, not even "opposites attract" could apply in the situation, but if his mother really loved him… who was he to judge?

But at the end of it all, Johnny was glad that he inherited the fire in his mother's eyes as opposed to ice in his father's.

* * *

 

>   **FROM: TAEYONG**
> 
> _details. now. come to my house._

Johnny couldn't deny Taeyong this, so he made an impromptu trip to Taeyong's apartment.

"You made out with him?!" Taeyong was clutching his pillow, eyes wide with shock. Johnny wanted to crawl in a hole and die because of his friend's dramatics, regretting the decision to actually haul his ass to Taeyong's place.

"Three times," Johnny clarified.

Taeyong, however, was more interested in Johnny's black turtleneck. But what Johnny didn't expect was for Taeyong to suddenly pounce on him.

"Taeyong! Get off of me!" Johnny shouted. It was a flurry of kicking and punching and shouting for about thirty seconds. He tried his best to keep Taeyong from seeing the hickeys on his neck, but he ended up having the neck of his shirt pulled down, all of the marks on display. Taeyong wolf whistled, and it made Johnny cringe.

"Well, you two had your fun," Taeyong remarked.

"Fuck off," Johnny snapped.

Taeyong held his hands up, feigning innocence. "I take it you two are…"

"Not really. I don't know."

Johnny never really took a moment to ponder the technicality of him and Ten's relationship. It was mutual, yes, but were they dating? Ten hadn't explicitly called Johnny his boyfriend per say, but if he was fond enough to make Johnny's neck look like it went through hell and back, then had to mean _something._ The problem was that Johnny didn't know what it was.

"Do you like guys?" Taeyong asked, and there was an edge in his voice that made Johnny shiver a little. "Or he some sort of summer experiment for you?"

"It's not like that!" Johnny licked his lips, trying to think of what to say. "It's a situation where we're not… I don't want to rush into things with him, okay? We still have to get to like… know each other."

There was also the inevitable part that Johnny was pretending to forget.

"Besides, I'm not going to be staying here forever. I have to go back at some point," A lump formed in Johnny's throat."I don't know what to do."

"Damn," Taeyong said.

"Damn indeed."

"Well… when my grandmother died, I was devastated. I didn't want to come out of my room for days. Then eventually, my mom came into my room and tried talking to me. Of course, I wasn't really listening because I wasn't… in a great state of mind, but she told me I should try to remember all of the best times I had with her so it won't hurt so much. It didn't help at first, but now whenever I miss her, I think about how great she was to have around. Do you get it?"

"So… make good memories with him?" Johnny asked.

"Exactly."

"That's easier said than done."

"I know. Now stop looking like a pitiful asshole and give me a hug."

They embraced, and Taeyong clapped Johnny on the back. "Just remember that if you hurt Ten, I'll cut your dick off. Got it?"

"Crystal clear," Johnny responded, grimacing a little at the thought.

* * *

"No, you can't play Hansol. You count cards," Ten whined.

This time the boys were sitting on the floor in the living room of Hyesun's apartment. Empty bags of chips and half-empty bottles of soda surrounded them, and Taeyong was lazily shuffling a deck of cards, listening to the small argument that was going on. Ten was sitting between Johnny's legs, his head nestled into the crook of Johnny's neck.

"For the last time: I. Do not. Count. Cards," Hansol enunciated, flipping Ten the bird.

"Then how do you keep winning every time we play blackjack? I call bullshit," Ten protested. "I've seen you _read_ a book about card games and the statistics behind it. You're not making a good case for yourself here, you fucking cheater."

"Card counting isn't cheating!"

"So you admit it!" Ten shouted.

"What?! How does that statement imply anything about me counting cards? Johnny, Taeyong, come on! Back me up here."

"If card counting isn't cheating, then why is it condemned in casinos?" Johnny asked.

"Okay. You know what? You all are just mad because fate loves me. Taeyong, deal out the damn cards so these _losers_ can stop talking."

Taeyong obliged, and soon enough the game was set up. "Next time I'm going to mix decks so that way _someone_ doesn't use statistics to their own advantage." He narrowed his eyes at Hansol, who cursed under his breath.

"Didn't your mother tell you not to mumble?" Taeyong snarked.

Ten started off with betting ₩1,000, and he had two sixes in front of him, and he took a moment to decide whether or not to hit or stand. "Hit," he said, pulling a card from the deck. The value was twenty now. "Stand." Taeyong flipped over his card and decided to hit, and his value ended up being twenty-two. Ten smiled smugly, and Taeyong gave him a bitter, thin-lipped smile.

Johnny ended up getting an automatic blackjack when the cards were dealt, and Ten kissed his cheek. "You got lucky," Ten said, looking up at him in admiration. His eyes were glimmering, and Johnny couldn't resist beaming because holy shit, Ten was absolutely beautiful.

"Yeah," Johnny kissed Ten's forehead. "I got really lucky."

Hansol covered his eyes. "Oh my god, this shit is nasty. Taeyong, disqualify them. Make them stop. I can't take any more of this bullshit domesticity."

As if fate were protesting Hansol's bitterness, Taeyong ended up getting blackjack, and Hansol lost.

It was Jaehyun who taught Johnny how to play blackjack. Their geometry teacher was absent one day, and the sub was some old guy who had no idea what he was doing. Jaehyun pulled out a deck of cards from his bag and slapped it down on his desk.

 _"Blackjack?"_ Jaehyun offered.

_"I don't know how to play."_

_"It's easy, just pay attention…"_

"Yah! You all are too young to gamble!"

The boys turned their heads to see Hyesun looking on in disapproval at the card game happening. She looked a little bit manic; her hair was in severe disarray, and she was wearing a tiger print sheet mask.

"We're not playing with real money," Taeyong lied, trying not laugh at the sight of Hyesun.

Hyesun scoffed. "Really now? That looks like the ₩1,000 I gave you last week for buying milk for me."

"Hyesun-noona, it's just good old-fashioned fun," Hansol said, smiling a little too sweetly.

That, unfortunately, didn't deter Hyesun from taking all of the real money they had and replacing it with fake Monopoly money.

"Have fun boys!"

Her eyes wandered over to Johnny and Ten, who were wrapped up in each other. Ten smiled at Hyesun, and Hyesun smiled back before giving a thumbs up and going into the kitchen.

Johnny had expected Hyesun to react with shock if not disgust when he told her about Ten, but she reacted in a way so casual that it mimicked surrealness. It wasn't as if he had a hateful upbringing, but it was more subtle, the way everyone expected him to be. His mother would gush about how beautiful his future girlfriends would be because she insisted he could have anyone he wants, and his group of school acquaintances constantly tried to set him up on blind dates with the cutest girls in the school.

The only blind date Johnny actually ended up attending was with a girl named Wendy. She was pretty, and she was intelligent, and her entire vibe gave off something that emulated his mother. It wasn't a bad date necessarily, but Wendy could tell Johnny wasn't into her. Instead of being (understandably) upset, she kissed him on the cheek at the end of the night and told him, "We should hang out like this again. As friends."

He never contacted her after the date, but Johnny had always kept the offer in the back of his mind.

* * *

"What are we?" Johnny blurted out.

Johnny and Ten were alone now. Hansol and Taeyong left about an hour ago, and Hyesun was in her bedroom. They were on the couch, Ten's head on Johnny's lap. The question came from the odd, nagging feeling that was starting to build up in Johnny since the first time he realized he was so, completely sprung on Ten.

Ten looked at him, a little bit confused. "Uh… I'm hoping we're boyfriends."

A wave of relief washed over Johnny. "Okay. We're boyfriends."

It was quiet. Johnny ran his fingers through Ten's hair, then traced his index finger over his piercings. After what seemed like forever, Ten spoke.

"What's going to happen when you go back to Chicago?"

Johnny pressed his lips together. What _was_ he going to do? He couldn't ask his parents to stay, and a long-distance relationship was out of the question because Ten needed physical contact. He couldn't ask Ten to wait for him either because honestly, Johnny wasn't sure if he would come back to Busan or not. That, and it was overdramatic and cliché to ask someone to stay in love with him forever when he would be miles and miles away.

"I don't know," Johnny answered, feeling stupid.

"We'll figure something out, right?" Ten smiled up at Johnny.

"Yeah. We will."

* * *

The boys were finally able to get drunk about a week later.

Johnny was nervous, considering that underage drinking and (totally unintentional) drug use was the reason why he ended up in Busan anyway.

"It's not like we'll let you drink past your limit," Taeyong reassured. "The second you're not able to start walking or whatever, we'll stop you there."

That, Johnny learned, was a damn lie because he found himself sprawled out on the floor about two hours later, and was unable to string together a coherent thought without really, _really_ thinking hard about it. Ten, who was the most sober person in the room, had his legs rest on Johnny's torso "because he needed the support". Taeyong was sadistic enough to laugh at Johnny's misery, throwing around accusations of being a lightweight.

"What's it like to be high?" Hansol asked.

Johnny slapped his cheeks a few times before answering. "It's like,  you're there… but you're like, not there… but you're also not _not_ there. One time," he put one finger up for emphasis, "I did three bowls. I couldn't anything else except my mouth."

"But… how can you be in a place and not be in a place at the same time?" Taeyong asked, a little bit bewildered. It wasn't even that confusing of a concept, but because he was piss drunk he was having a little bit of trouble using logic.

"Okay," Johnny said, "let's say you're in school, but you're not in your class. Someone asks if you're present in class. Technically, you're present in school, but you're not present… in class."

Taeyong was dumbfounded. "I still don't fucking get it."

Hansol let out a loud, obnoxious groan. "I was such a fucking idiot when I was a kid. One time my teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. And you know what I said?"

"What?" Ten asked, anticipating the answer.

"A garbage truck."

It was a chain reaction. Taeyong started cackling, and his laugh was so mortifying that it caused Johnny to lose his shit, and eventually the entire room was full of boisterous drunken laughter. Hansol covered his face, which was turning redder by the minute. "It's not funny! I was a kid! Oh my god, I hate you all so much."

"But a garbage truck? Hansol, come on," Johnny snickered, "how was that going to work? Were you planning on being some shape-shifting Power Ranger or some shit?"

Ten punched Johnny in the arm. "You mean Transformer, you dumbass."

"Same difference."

Ten emitted a fake gasp. "I can't date someone who confuses the Power Rangers with the Transformers. We're over."

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Fuck you man, I'm drunk. I'm not even sure what day it is."

The boys continued to talk animatedly about all kinds of ridiculous things, and halfway through Johnny realized how much he was going to miss _this._ The familiar place that was Taeyong's room, Hansol's stupid Busan accent, the pointless arguments, the unnecessarily loud laughter that would occur after a joke, the feeling of trusting these three guys so much that he could tell them everything. _But most of all,_ he thought to himself as he glanced at Ten, who was practically glowing as he laughed, _I'm going to miss you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i'm so sorry it took me a little while to update, but i had acute writer's block for a bit. anyway, i'm not sure how long this fic is going to turn out to be , but thanks for sticking by this poorly written mess lmao.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! this is a long overdue update, and for that i apologize, but i'm currently on vacation in florida, and i had to take a few days to settle in and get into the swing of things, but i promise this won't be a frequent thing!

Going to the beach was arguably the most crucial part of a summer vacation, so Johnny had no problem with Hyesun dragging him out of bed at 8 o'clock in the morning because she "wanted to get there before it got crowded".

"Ask the boys if they want to come with us!" Hyesun shouted from the bathroom, her voice muffled by the toothpaste in her mouth.

> **TO: TEN, HANSOL, TAEYONG**
> 
> _noona's taking me to the beach, she said you guys can come if you want?_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _i'm up for it!_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: HANSOL**
> 
> _it's too hot NOT to be in the water right now_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TAEYONG**
> 
> _you guys have sunblock right… ?_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _you burn too easily it's really tragic ㅋㅋㅋ_

Taeyong was enough of an asshole to call shotgun when all of them began to pile into the car, and Ten was sandwiched between Johnny and Hansol in the backseat. Hyesun turned on the car radio, and a recognizable and slightly outdated Drake song was playing. Johnny was the first to roll his eyes; it brought him back to memories of his school hallways, and the kids that played music from the speakers in their backpacks.

His gut twisted into a knot. _I miss home._

Johnny loved Hyesun. He loved his friends. He loved _Ten._ But even if there were so many things here for him that made everything worthwhile, his heart would always remain in Chicago. It made an impermeable mark on his heart that wouldn't fade with time like so many other things in the world did.

"Everything's in the trunk," Hyesun announced, "the cooler, towels, umbrellas, chairs, all that stuff. And sunblock, don't worry about that, Taeyong."

* * *

The beach wasn't quite crowded yet since it was early, so it was easy to find a place to sit. Hansol was the first one to sprint toward the water, but high tide had other plans and he ended up with a face full of saltwater and seaweed. His choking got attention from a few other beachgoers, and it didn't help that Ten was pointing and laughing.

Taeyong was putting gratuitous amounts of sunblock all over himself, which earned an eyeroll from Hyesun. "Last time we came here, Taeyong was adamant about putting on that stuff until he got a sunburn so bad that he couldn't lie on his back for two days. Had he _listened_ to me," Hyesun jeered, "he wouldn't be so scared of the damn sun."

Ten grabbed Johnny's wrist. "Come on, let's go in the water."

The last time Johnny had gone to the beach was in eighth grade. It was a class trip for a general science class he was taking, and they had to "examine the ecosystem", but really everyone was building sandcastles, pushing each other into the water, and climbing on the rocks by the shore. It was one of the few good memories middle school gave him. Standing on the pier and eating ice cream with his friends, not having a care in the world and looking forward to summer.

He also remembered his eyes following the shirtless men walking across the beach as opposed to the girls in crop tops and bikinis. Johnny didn't like to think about that part though.

"You're zoning out again," Ten said accusingly. "I can hear you worrying."

Johnny shook his head. "I'm sorry. I was remembering stuff. Childhood things. I haven't gone to the beach in a while, so it brings back… memories."

The water was only up to Johnny's shins, but Ten's knees were submerged in the water, and Johnny couldn't help smiling. "You're so short."

Ten frowned. "I'm not! The world's just really big. _You're_ really big. I consider myself average height." He placed his hands in the water, then took them out to flick some on Johnny's face. "Not everyone is freakishly tall like you."

Johnny scoffed. "Flicking water on me? Are you declaring war, Ten?"

"Maybe. Maybe not–"

Ten wasn't able to finish his snide remark, for Johnny took the initiative to splash a gracious amount of water on Ten's face.

"You asshole!" Ten shouted, half running, half swimming after Johnny, who was attempting to get away from Ten's wrath. It didn't prove successful, and Ten ended up Johnny's back. That was a bad move on Ten's part because Johnny fell backward into the water, and Ten had to kick and punch his way back up to surface.

Ten took a moment to control his breathing. "I hate you."

"No you don't," Johnny smirked.

"No fucking in the water."

Johnny and Ten turned to see Taeyong, who had a look of amusement and disgust on his face. "You two are so domestic."

Ten rolled his eyes. "We're not fucking in the water, we're saving that for when we get home and have to wash off all of this salt. Right?"

Johnny choked on his own spit.

* * *

The boys were now on the boardwalk, trying to get their hands on any junk food now that they were out Hyesun's sights (she had intentionally packed healthy food only, but baby carrots weren't filling for someone who had been in the water and sun for over five hours). Ten was the first one to spot a cotton candy vendor, so the four of them happily invested in that.

"I wish we could live on a beach," Hansol said, cotton candy sticking the corner of his mouth. "Wouldn't that be cool? Unlimited access to the sea and all of that."

"But what if it floods? We'd be screwed," Taeyong pointed out. He then licked his thumb and wiped the candy off Hansol's lip before realizing what the hell he just did. Hansol's eyes widened, and his mouth was open slightly.

Johnny ignored the scenario, acting as if his cotton candy was the most interesting thing in the world, but Ten had to start snickering.

"Taeyong… do you want to… there's fireworks… tonight–"

"Yeah! Definitely… do you want to go now–"

"Now is fine!" Hansol shouted. He got up and practically dragged Taeyong away, leaving Johnny and Ten alone.

The sun was setting, and Johnny watched the people who were leaving the beach or arriving now. Ten leaned his head into Johnny's shoulder and closed his eyes. His eyelashes were illuminated by the orange light, and Johnny felt his heart grow a few sizes larger at the sight.

"I think I love you," Johnny said.

Ten's eyes opened, and he gave Johnny a strange look. _Oh no. I said it too soon. I fucked up._  

"I know," Ten replied, pulling Johnny closer to him. "And ditto."

Johnny scoffed. " _Ditto?_   Really? This is a perfect romantic comedy scene. Come on."

"I'm the comedy, clearly," Ten laughed. "And you're the romance, that's why we work."

* * *

The fireworks weren't anything spectacular, really.

They couldn't hold a candle to the way Ten kissed Johnny, slow and sweet.

* * *

 

> **FROM: TAEYONG**
> 
> _hansol and i are a thing now. i think._
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TAEYONG**
> 
> _holy shit_
> 
> _congrats man_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TAEYONG**
> 
> _then again, who wouldn't fall for me?_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TAEYONG**
> 
> _this is why no one likes you_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TAEYONG**
> 
> _the way hansol was trying to eat my face last night says otherwise…_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TAEYONG**
> 
> _you're so fucking gross oh my god_
> 
> _spare me the details_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TAEYONG**
> 
> _at least i'm not giving you the details about how he gives good head._
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TAEYONG**
> 
> _I'M BLOCKING YOUR NUMBER_

* * *

A few nights later, Taeyong brought all of them together so they could use the sparklers he bought at the boardwalk.

"I forgot to tell you guys I had them, so we might as well use them," Taeyong opened the pack and tossed one to all of them. "Let's light it up."

It was 11 o'clock at night, and it was a bad idea, but they ended up running through the streets and waving around the sparklers like wands. Hansol had to be the one to yell _Harry Potter_ spells, but Taeyong joined in so his boyfriend wouldn't look like a complete idiot.

Johnny knew Hyesun would mad, but he couldn't care less.

This was one of the memories he would replay in his mind when it was time to go back home. Running down empty streets, hearing people slam their windows shut in response to all the noise they were making. He was living for it.

Yeah, Johnny was going to miss this.

* * *

"I want you to meet my mom," Ten said one day.

They were sitting on the steps of the apartment building, and Johnny was about to light the cigarette he was holding between his teeth. He paused, his thumb tapping his lighter. "Oh. Does your mom know you're…"

"Yeah. She knows." Ten flicked his hand. "She's fine with it. My dad's… learning to deal with it slowly, but he's in Thailand, so it's cool. She uh, also knows that I'm dating you, which is why I'm saying this right now."

Johnny lit his cigarette. "Okay. When do you want me to meet her?"

"Now," Ten replied meekly.

Johnny froze. "Ten. I am not going to meet your mother when I'm going to smell like fresh cigarette smoke. Can't we postpone this?"

"It'll be fine! She always has incense lit in the house anyway, she won't even smell it. Please? Do it for me." Ten snuggled up Johnny's side, and Johnny let out a long, deep sigh.

"Alright. Let's go."

* * *

"You smell like cigarettes," Ten's mother stated.

Johnny glared at Ten, who was purposely pretending to be invested in the art on the walls of his own living room. Ten's mother was seated on the couch, a book in her lap. "When did you move here?"

"I didn't move here. I'm here for… two more weeks," Johnny said carefully.

Ten's mother raised her eyebrow. "Ah. You're here with family." She paused. "You love my son, yes?"

"Yes!" Johnny nodded furiously. "Absolutely. I really, really, love him." He looked over at Ten, who was covering his cheeks with his hands to hide how much he was blushing. "I love him more anything."

"Good. Are you hungry?"

Johnny shrugged. "A little."

"Stay for dinner." Ten's mother said, but it was more of a command than an offer. Her face softened. "I think out of all the _miscreants_ my son has brought home, you're my favorite." She held up a finger and pointed at Johnny. "Just quit smoking."

Miscreants? Favorite?

* * *

 

> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _heyyy_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _hey! what's up?_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _tell your mom i said thanks for the food_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _baby?_
> 
> _you thanked her like, a million times_
> 
> _you weren't too nervous though, thank god._
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _i almost shitted myself_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _i know, i know_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _i know this might be a weird question but_
> 
> _your mom said i'm her favorite out of all the other ones_
> 
> _how many guys have you dated exactly?_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _you're my third, don't worry_
> 
> _she just said that to scare you_
> 
> _wait… are you jealous?_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _i don't get jealous…_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _okay_
> 
> _so if i told you that i dated taeyong at one point you wouldn't be jealous?_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _wait really_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _yeah._
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _oh_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _just because you're not my first doesn't mean you're not important._
> 
> _is that clear?_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _crystal_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TEN**
> 
> _i love you._
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN**
> 
> _i love you too._
> 
> _always._


	8. Chapter 8

"Taeyong?"

Johnny was at Taeyong's apartment again. His mother was out buying groceries, so Taeyong was more than happy to serve Johnny (but mostly himself) one or two glasses of wine.

"Mmm?" Taeyong was swirling his glass around, and he was more invested in the re-run of _Running Man_ that was on television than anything else.

"Ten told me something,"

This earned a questioning look from Taeyong. "What?"

 Johnny could leave it alone. It was so easy to say "never mind", but there was something irritating and strange about knowing that Taeyong and Ten were a _thing,_ and before Johnny started dating Ten, he kissed Taeyong because Hansol dared him to.

"He… told me you two dated?"

Radio silence. Johnny began to obsessively stare at a corner of the living room because if he made eye contact with Taeyong, it would've been more awkward. _I shouldn't have said anything. Why do I ever say anything?_ Johnny's self-pitying monologue was halted by Taeyong clearing his throat.

"Yes… we did. It was a stupid fling though. I broke up with my girlfriend, he was a shoulder to cry on, I gave a couple of blowjo–"

_"Excuse me?!"_

Taeyong didn't expect such an outburst, but he began to frantically shake his head in an attempt to cover himself. "No! I mean, technically yes, but it wasn't like… real sex." He rubbed his temples. "Look, does it matter? You're dating him now. Whatever he's done with me is now void. In case you forgot, _I_ have a boyfriend now." Taeyong took a sip of wine. "But then again, jealousy blurs these things."

Johnny heard the malicious lilt in Taeyong's voice, and he chugged his wine down. He was not prepared to have this dispute, but he ended up talking anyway. "Oh, fuck you. I'm not jealous."

"Then why are you arguing with me?"

"I'm not arguing with you. All I said was that Ten told me you two were a thing. I didn't ask if you two made sweet love on your mother's couch or something, goddamn Taeyong!" Johnny snapped.

Taeyong pointed at Johnny. "You see that right there? This shit you're pulling? That's jealousy. If I wanted to get back together with him, he wouldn't have allowed it anyway." He leaned in toward Johnny so that they were face to face. "And that's because _he_ broke up with _me,_ you asshole. You have nothing to worry about."

The negative energy in the room was overwhelming. Johnny threw his head back and let out a groan of frustration. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I… you know I'm leaving soon. I don't have that much time left here. I'm gonna miss Ten, and Hansol…" he turned his head to look at Taeyong. "I'm going to miss you."

It was silent again. Taeyong picked up the wine bottle and began to refill Johnny's glass

"You need it more than me. Consider this an 'apology accepted' and an 'I'll miss you, too'."

* * *

This time it was Hansol who was holding festivities at his house, which meant that they would watch one-star movies on Netflix, screaming and laughing their heads off until security would come to his door and complain about a being a "disturbance".

The first one was some poorly produced zombie movie with bad dialogue and even worse actors. Even Ten, who was bad with horror and thriller movies, was completely unphased because the movie was so _awful._

"Okay," Taeyong said, throwing popcorn at the screen, "I know this is a shitty film, but I appreciate the close-ups on the boobs and the gratuitous shots of shirtless men."

Hansol hit his arm. "I'm the only shirtless man you should be looking at!"

"When Ryu Junyeol takes off his shirt, know that I'm dumping you." Taeyong said snidely. Hansol hit his arm again, but Taeyong softly kissed his temple and nuzzled into him to compensate.

Johnny and Ten were tangled up in each other, barely paying attention to the movie. Ten had his face pressed against the side of Johnny's neck, his lips pressed against the junction between shoulder and neck. The feeling of Ten's breath ghosting over Johnny's skin gave him goosebumps, and tinges of pink began to show up on his cheeks.

There was a naturalness between Johnny and Ten that was strange. It wasn't the weird or bad sort of strange, but the kind where Johnny's never experienced it. Ten was so full of love and light, so affectionate and caring, and it was overwhelming. He hated (in other words, secretly basked in) how Ten would look at him in a way which said, "I'm so gone for you".

It really was too good to be true.

"Johnny." Ten murmured, and the movement of his lips tickled Johnny's neck.

"Mmm?"

"I don't want you to leave without a proper goodbye." Ten said. Except he didn't say it in a way full of sentiment. His voice had dropped a few octaves, and it was in an alluring tone that made Johnny shiver with anxiety and anticipation.

* * *

"That was nice, but I feel guilty that I lost my virginity while three Beyoncés were looking at us."

The two of them were under the covers, hair askew and lazy smiles on their faces. Ten traced the outline of Johnny's lips with his index finger, his nail carving out the cupid's bow. "You're such a geek," Ten whined, "but you're my geek. My very handsome, very wonderful geek."

Johnny held Ten's hand in his and kissed his knuckle. Ten recoiled at the gesture, and his face turned red before Johnny could think of a cohesive comment.

It was a little awkward, both of them couldn't deny that. Johnny was fumbling virgin, Ten treated him like glass, but it worked after they figured out the logistics. However, the harmonious first few minutes they had were ruined by how Ten's mother shouted, "If you're not using a condom, I'll kill you both!"

Ten was staring at Johnny now, an indescribable sadness on his face. "You're not going to regret this, right?"

Johnny propped himself up on his elbows, caught off guard by the question. "No. Never. I wanted to do this, you wanted to do this. I… would definitely do it again, if that's any reassurance." He covered his face with his hands. "I'm so awkward, I'm so sorry."

Ten smiled softly. "Also, Taeyong told me you two got into a littleconflict earlier?"

"I was being a jealous asshole," Johnny responded immediately.

"I know you were, and I forgive you for that. And hey, you're serious about a second round?" Ten asked, eyes tracing over Johnny's naked torso.

Ten found out the answer to that question when Johnny moved toward him and pulled him into a long, deep kiss.

* * *

 

> **TO: JAEHYUN**
> 
> [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o)
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: JAEHYUN**
> 
> _oh my god_
> 
> _shut the FUCK up you're lying_
> 
> _i'm calling you_
> 
> _you fucking sack master_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: JAEHYUN**
> 
> _i hate you so much_

* * *

_"How does it feel to no longer be in the Great Hall of Devout Virgins?"_

Johnny rolled his eyes. "I'm not some sort of saint, you know."

_"I know, but let me have this, okay? I feel like you're growing up so fast. It seems like yesterday you were a virgin. Oh wait, that was yesterday technically! So, who was the lucky girl?"_

"Jaehyun…" Johnny swallowed. "It.. wasn't a girl?"

Johnny heard Jaehyun drop his phone on the other end, followed by the scuffling of Jaehyun quickly trying to pick it up.

 _"Are you telling me that you lost your virginity to a guy?! Oh my god. This is it. You can never call yourself straight again. Was it a one-night only thing? How was it?"_ Jaehyun did a loud, dramatic gasp. _"Did you cry, or did he cry?"_

"Fuck you, Jaehyun."

_"I might take you up on that, babe. I consider myself a pro."_

"Jaehyun! Anyway, yes, it's a guy, and we've been a _thing_ for a while now, and I'm not straight, dude." Johnny sighed. "I'm definitely gay."

_"Well shit, how do you feel about saying that?"_

"A little bit bad, but it feels damn good too. And to ease your curiosity… it was nice the first time, really sweet. The second round was a little more intense."

_"You went at it twice?! Saucy!"_

"I'm hanging up."

 _"No, wait! In all seriousness, I'm happy for you. I'm glad I was here to witness your gay awakening in all of its glory."_ Silence. _"Do your folks know? Or do you plan on telling them? I'm not saying you have to, I just wanna know so I don't let it slip by accident if I come over after you come back."_

Johnny winced. "Uh, Hyesun-noona knows. That's it."

_"Damn, I'm sorry."_

"It's alright, man. But seriously, thanks for asking."

_"No problem. Hey, I gotta dip before my mom freaks on me for calling you at this time, but shoot me a text if anything comes up. Tell me more about the boy!"_

"Word. Thanks, Jaehyun."

* * *

Hyesun had a bowl of ramen ready for Johnny when came out of his room, and she was happily tearing her way through the pack of dried seaweed in front of her.

"Thanks, noona." Johnny smiled.

She gave him a knowing look. "I figured you'd be tired after all of the frolicking. You know, these walls are quite thin. I've been thinking about moving somewhere with more privacy."

Johnny felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach, but he played along. "Oh? I, uh, didn't notice. But if you feel like that's a good decision for you, I say move forward with it–"

"You used protection, right? Please, tell me you did." Hyesun said, her voice no longer taking on a playful tone. "Sexually transmitted infections are serious. HIV is serious. I know you're smart, and I know you're responsible, but–"

"Hyesun-noona," Johnny interrupted, "I did."

She let out a sigh of relief. "Good. And don't tell your mom I let you have sex while you were here. And don't tell her about the drinking or the smoking you do at the other boys' apartments either." Hyesun gauged Johnny's expression and laughed. "You think I don't know? Hansol came to me the other day complaining about a headache, he had the shock of his life when I gave him a list of hangover cures."

"Hyesun… you're so calm about all of this. Why?" Johnny asked. It wasn't that he was ungrateful– he expected his stay to be absolutely miserable, but Hyesun was making everything feel like home.

Hyesun stopped eating. "Johnny… your mother told you about how we met, yes?"

Johnny nodded. Hyesun tried to gather her thoughts together for a moment.

"I never got to be a kid. I wasn't allowed to make mistakes. My mother was dead, my father was on the brink of dying, and my godmother couldn't afford to have me go around screwing up when I was the one bringing in money." She cradled her head in her hands and bit her lip. "I was a robot in high school, and I was saving every insignificant coin and grabbing all of the scholarships I could to be something."

Hyesun stopped herself. "I made so many mistakes in college because I couldn't do it during a time where I was supposed to be drunk with my friends, and falling in love with boys that would know me for the summer and forget me when school started up again. I picked up the worst binge drinking habit, I… did so many terrible things. Johnny, I don't want that to happen to you. As much as I'd like to believe that you don't do illicit things, I can't. All I can tell you is to not go overboard if you do. Don't let it take over your life."

Her cheeks were shiny with tears, and the sight made Johnny's chest tight. He kneeled next to the chair she was sitting in and took her hand in his.

"I love you, Hyesun-noona," Johnny said, choked up, "I'm sorry I put you through so much trouble. I'm sorry I put my father through this, and my mom… I don't– I'm so sorry."

Johnny was sobbing into Hyesun's lap, his whole body shaking. Hyesun stroked his back with her free hand and tried to console him. "You're not some sort of burden that the people in your life have to carry, you never will be."

He ended up sleeping in Hyesun's bed that night, and she clung onto him as if she were trying to protect him from the world out there. Johnny wished someone was there to protect her when she was his age. She needed the support way more than he did.


	9. Chapter 9

"This is why I hate crying myself to sleep," Hyesun stated drily, "my face gets all bulbous and weird. Here."

She tossed a sheet mask to Johnny, who was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. It was one of the animal patterned ones, and he smiled. "I don't know too many noonas that use these." He jokingly fanned himself with it. "You're truly young at heart."

"Just shut up and put it on, you brat." Hyesun whined.

* * *

Ten came over about an hour later with a small white box in his left hand.

"Couple rings?" Johnny said. Ten already has his on, and Johnny was examining it. "They're both amethyst. Because we… both have February birthdays. I never told you my birthday."

"I know," Ten blushed. "I called Hyesun to ask her."

Johnny's chest developed that tight feeling again, and he didn't notice he had started crying until Ten used his sleeve to start wiping his cheeks.

"Ten… do you want to break up with me?" Johnny asked weakly. "I mean… I'm going to have to leave."

Ten shook his head. "No… but at the same time, yes. It's- I don't want us to be out of touch after you leave. Johnny, I want you in my life, and I don't care what I am to you as long as I get to be in yours." He was crying now, "Your friendship is more important to me than any sort of romantic thing we have going on right now."

Johnny put his ring on without hesitation, and pulled Ten to his chest, pressing kisses on top his head.

"I love you," Johnny whispered.

"I know you do."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you more."

* * *

The last outing all four of them had as a group was a trip to McDonald's at eleven o'clock at night, because they all happened to hungry as hell.

From an objective standpoint it was a bad idea because they were all at some level of inebriation, but that didn't stop them from giggling their way from the apartment to the elevator, getting strange looks from the few people who were in the lobby.

"Okay, so what if McDonald's like, delivered. I would come all over the place if that was thing," Hansol slurred, trying to maintain his balance by holding himself up on a brick building, "they should totally make that a thing. Taeyong, why isn't that a thing?"

Taeyong had a half-empty bottle of peach vodka in his hand, and he was swinging it around carelessly. "Because if it did, everyone would die from high cholesterol? Do you want to die, Hansol?"

"Only real men die by McDonald's, so yes," Hansol replied defensively. "Now… pass me that bottle, you're fucking hogging it."

Reluctantly, Taeyong handed it to Hansol, and he took two large swigs before passing it to Johnny. Johnny nodded his thanks, took a few gulps, then gave the bottle to Ten so he could polish it off.

Seeing the city at night was exhilarating. Sure, Johnny wasn't able to appreciate it in its fully glory because he was completely hammered, but the atmosphere of everything seemed more alive at night. The lights looked brighter, the cars went by faster, everyone was out looking for something to do. It reminded him of Chicago, almost.

He had his arm around Ten's shoulder, and they were doing a strange thing where they were walking, cuddling, and keeping each other from falling onto the sidewalk at the same time. That was when it hit him, hard.

"Guys," Johnny said, and he stopped walking, "I could've been dead."

Taeyong turned to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"The party. That's the reason why I'm here. My mom… she said I needed some 'time away from all of this'... but she has no idea I'm having the time of my life. But what if… what if that bullet hit me somewhere else, Taeyong? It could've easily been… it could've been a shot to the head, and I'd be in comatose right now. Or maybe it could've hit me right in the chest."

They were all in the middle of the sidewalk now, and Johnny was tearing up. "If I died at that party, I wouldn't have met any of you. Taeyong, you would've gone the rest of your life… you wouldn't… we wouldn't have been friends. And Hansol, you'd go on without knowing me… and Ten… you wouldn't have fallen in love with me."

Johnny took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I killed the vibe, oh my god–"

"Johnny," Hansol hugged him. "Life without you would suck. Hell, it's gonna suck when you leave in two days."

"Just know that if you ever come back, we'll be right here waiting for you." Taeyong added. "Four is better than three, anyway."

Ten smiled and nodded. "Definitely. Now, are we going to get some fucking food or what?"

* * *

"I literally told you to get fries, but you were like 'oh, no, I'm good', and now you want my fries!" Johnny snapped, waving around a long french fry in his hand.

"Okay, but at first I didn't want some, but now I want some because they look good!" Ten yelled back.

"Get your own fries!"

"You're so mean!"

Johnny let out an obnoxious groan, then slid his fries toward Ten.

"Now, was that so hard?" Ten teased.

"Extremely."

Taeyong pretended to gag while Hansol did a thumbs down gesture. "You two argue like a married couple, holy shit." Hansol said.

* * *

"We got drunk, we ate, and according to my Facebook notifications, there's a pool party happening that I forgot about," Taeyong announced.

"Wait, you got invited to a pool party?" Hansol asked.

"Nope," Taeyong replied, a sly grin on his face. Johnny, Hansol, and Ten exchanged mischievous looks, and they were running off.

* * *

It turns out that they weren't the only random people there because it was way too overcrowded to be an exclusive thing, and Taeyong was more than happy to dive into the deep end of the pool and wreak complete havoc. Hansol was sitting by the poolside, content with dipping his feet in until a complete stranger pushed him in.

"You fucking shit stain!" Hansol screamed.

Johnny ran to see if he was okay, but he was half-laughing, half-talking. "I told you that you should've gotten swimming trunks when we ran back to your house."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever– hey, Johnny. Look." Hansol pointed.

Johnny turned to see Ten talking to some guy, but several things were off. One, Ten didn't look like he wanted to talk to him, two, the guy look about five years older than Ten, and three, he was being way too grabby.

"I have a boyfriend," Ten gritted through his teeth.

"I just want to talk," The other guy said sleazily.

"You seem to like to talk with your hands," Ten snapped, pushing the guy away from him, "now get the hell away from me."

"Hey!" Johnny shouted. "Who the fuck are you?" His voice wavered a little. He didn't want to fight. What if this guy pulled a gun on him?

The party goers were now looking at them, some of them had their cameras out already. The guy looked at Johnny, then looked at Ten before casting away his bravado front. "I… was talking to your friend."

He scurried off, and Ten let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks."

Johnny put his arm around Ten's waist. "No problem."

* * *

Two days went by way too fast.

"You have everything packed up, right?" Hyesun asked.

"Yeah." Johnny replied dully.

There was a knock on the door. Hyesun had a "who-the-hell…" expression on her face, but she opened it anyway, and sure enough it was Ten, Hansol, and Taeyong.

"We want to come with you to the airport," Taeyong said, "to uh, say goodbye and stuff."

* * *

"Johnny, thank you for staying with me this summer," Hyesun hugged Johnny. "It's going to feel weird not having anyone live with me anymore."

"Thank you for letting me stay, Hyesun-noona. I love you."

"I love you too."

Hansol was scratching the back of his neck. "Uh… I don't like getting too emotional and shit, but uh… I love you. You're cool to hang out with, and this is probably the best summer I've ever had. I'll miss you."

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Just hug me already, you dickhead."

They hugged, and Johnny could feel Hansol's tears seeping into his shoulder. "Hey, hey, it's alright. We can always like, Skype and stuff. Facebook exists."

"You can't go to McDonald's at ass o'clock in the morning on Facebook!" Hansol cried.

Hansol immediately hugged both of them, and Johnny felt suffocated when Hyesun and Ten joined in. "Okay, okay, guys, I kind of need to say goodbye to Ten. Alone." Johnny said, his voice muffled.

Hyesun took Taeyong and Hansol off to another area in the airport, and now it was just Johnny and Ten.

"Hey," Johnny said.

"Hi," Ten replied.

"So like," Johnny breathed out and looked at ceiling, "I'm not good at things like this. Saying goodbye. It's hard. I hate it. I mean, it's different when you're saying bye to a friend because you're going to see them tomorrow. But for me… it's going to take me a whole flight if I want to see you. Therefore, instead of saying goodbye… I'll see you later."

Ten looked a little surprised. "See you later?"

"It hurts a little less," Johnny admitted. "Ten, don't be hung up on me forever. I won't… I won't be mad if you fall in love with someone else after I leave. I can't be. I want you to be happy. I want you to have someone that'll hold your hand and kiss you goodnight, even if it's not me. Just… please be happy for me. That's all I want."

"And what if I don't fall in love with someone else?" Ten asked, straining himself so he wouldn't cry.

"We'll find out if we get there."

Ten kissed Johnny, and it was a dying kiss. He was bearing his whole heart, his whole soul to Johnny, and he could feel it. They both could.

"I love you," Ten was tracing Johnny's lips with his index finger, the same way he did after their first time together.

"I love you, too."

Ten smiled sadly. "See you later?"

"See you later."

* * *

Johnny wasn't allowed to walk to the gate with Hyesun and the guys, so they aggressively waved goodbye as he went through customs.

His heart ached.

* * *

Sixteen hours later, Johnny's mother would cry and embrace him, and ask how his summer was. He could only beam at her.

Where could he start, really? He got drunk way too many times, he made lifelong friends, he got closer to someone his family he always needed, he ran through the city streets with a sparkler in his hand, shouting and screaming at the top of his lungs.

He had fallen in love.

Johnny _lived._ That was what he did that summer.

* * *

Senior year wasn't really too much of a spectacle. All kinds of rumors had circulated about Johnny in regards to why he wasn't in town during the summer. Some people said his mother sent him off to boot camp, others claimed that the bullet in his leg killed him days later.

Johnny would Skype with Ten, Taeyong, and Hansol about two times a week if his schedule wasn't busy. He did well in his classes, got involved with his school's LGBT+ alliance (and came out to them), and, more importantly, went to prom. With Wendy. As a friend.

"I'm gay," Johnny told her.

"That makes the two of us, doesn't it?" Wendy replied, linking arms with him. "Now come on, they're playing a really good song right now, and I don't want to be stuck on the wall."

* * *

 **Johnny Seo** | 6:55PM

_University of Chicago bound, guys!_

 

 **Ten Leechaiyapornkul** | 7:04PM

_This hyung is fucking smart!_

 

 **Jaehyun Jung** | 7:16

_KING OF BEING ACCEPTED INTO UNIVERSITY!!!_

 

 **Hansol Ji** | 7:36PM

_Congratulations!_

 

 **Wendy Son** | 7:38PM

_You did it Johnny! :D_

 

 **Taeyong Lee** | 7:50PM

_Congrats!_

* * *

The only thing that really stuck out was graduation.

"Please hold your applause until all students have received their diplomas."

When Johnny walked up on stage, he heard his father and mother clapping and shouting, but they weren't the only ones making noise.

In the crowd, there was Taeyong. And Hansol. And Hyesun.

And Ten.

* * *

> **TO: TEN, TAEYONG, HANSOL**
> 
> _i can't believe you guys came!_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: TAEYONG**
> 
> _our parents were all pretty adamant at first, but we're here now!_
> 
> _congrats grad!_
> 
>  
> 
> **FROM: HANSOL**
> 
> _university of chicago has a 7% acceptance rate and you got in_
> 
> _you're golden_
> 
>  
> 
> **TO: TEN, TAEYONG, HANSOL**
> 
> _thanks guys!_
> 
> _by the way… where's ten?_

* * *

"Hey."

"Hi. This seems familiar."

Johnny and Ten were under the covers, smiling at each other like complete, lovesick idiots. Ten wasn't even able to get out one word before Johnny was all over him, and now they were here, just the two of them, for the first time in a long time.

"Did you fall in love with anyone?" Johnny asked.

"No. Did you?" Ten asked.

"Didn't even think of it." Johnny replied. "Now what?

Ten grinned. "Actually, I have some news for you. Good news."

Johnny raised his eyebrow. "Go on…"

"I decided to look at colleges overseas, because why not? And there was this one college I was really interested in. Specifically… The Art Institute of Chicago."

"Shut up." Johnny said, shooting up from the bed. "You're kidding."

"I got in."

* * *

Love is convincing your mother to let you go across an entire ocean because you think your soulmate is there. Love is her saying yes.

Love is coming out to your mother, and having her taking it a lot better than expected. And love is her telling your father to either deal with it or leave.

Hate is your father actually leaving. But love conquered the pain anyway. Johnny really didn't give a shit. His mom had his back, Jaehyun was there, and the love of his life was holding his hand the whole way through.

"I can't believe there was a point in my life where I thought you wouldn't be in it," Ten told Johnny one night. They were at Navy Pier, watching fireworks.

"Neither can I," Johnny said. "I don't ever want to think about it again."

And they kissed, knowing that they would always be each other's constant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAND IT'S OVER! this is probably the longest thing i've ever written, and seriously, thank you for reading it.


End file.
